There are fans, and I would suggest particularly some Notre Dame fans, who are focused on one team and who they may be playing currently or the next game so to speak. Their interest and vision may not reach into conference structures, political and stategic moves, and outlook that entangles entire divisions.
I view Notre Dame as an entity that impedes certain matters from being settled, equity being one. Frankly, if Notre Dame did join the Big 10 or the new BE for all sports, I think that would be a positive development for the major conferences and would beneficial to Notre Dame itself in the long term context.
Notre Dame's ole' time tradition, achievements, loyal fan support, and media attention are respected or recognized. One can blame Notre Dame alone, for taking advantage of lucrative opportunities that has maintained or enhanced the dollars rolling in and keeping them minimumly free of collective control.
I agree with you, and others, D&Dfan is on your prime points.
Where conferences, individual schools, and college football related organizations, including the BCS and other bowls, do have some control, are the ENABLING factor. This being, if they view Notre Dame has an advantaged over others in terms of money and access, then they need to tighten various criteria without venturing into conspiracy or anti-trust activity. Fundamentally, correctly or not, a conspiracy, is basically what certain football schools in the BE claimed the ACC and Miami were doing. Ironically, Notre Dame played the sideline and/or manipulator, in much of this while giving the impression of detachment. Certainly, Notre Dame's BE involvement, or lack of in fb, was a element in multiple issues. Had Notre Dame been playing BE football, would the departures had happened, including BC. In this sense, Notre Dame is a player, and fair game. Certainly Notre Dame's recent and vague announcement about "supporting" BE football makes them subject to scrutiny in this regard.
While pressure may deservingly be placed on Notre Dame, that needs to be coupled with exposure and critiques of their enablers.