Someone tell me more about these alleged naked women running across the interstate someplace in N. Dakota.
I'm glad you asked, Skippy. It's time that North Dakota's sometimes horrifying secret was revealed.
Here's the scoop: Interstate highway funds were used to build the Lawrence Welk Memorial Sauna ($75 million) on the opposite side of the highway from the Miss Peggy Lee Snow Drift ($45 million).
On the bright side, there are a number of solutions on the drawing board, but with the completion of The Phil Jackson Skytrain linking Ayr to Zap, we've run out of famous North Dakotans after whom to name giant public works projects. A five-year plan to kidnap famous people and hold them in North Dakota for the 48 hours it takes to make them naturalized citizens* met with no success (we dropped a number of operatives into celebrity-filled areas with massive amounts of operating funds, but they all disappeared and never returned to North Dakota).
As a solution, the highest-levels of state government, federal government and Fox TV are teaming up for a new reality TV program called, "Celebrity Ice House", in which celebrities must spend an entire North Dakota winter in a luxurious ice fishing house in the middle of Devils Lake.
BTW, are you a b-list celebrity with tax problems? Eight months on ice and you'll be free and clear - plus you'll get a $100 million sauna-to-snowbank habitrail named after you. You will also be a North Dakotan evermore (bwahahahaa!).
Needless to say, as soon as we finish this project, the University of North and North Dakota State will once again meet on the gridiron. I actually
had a power point presentation incorporating data about road grades (histograms), frequency of highway bends (XY scatter graphs), distribution of mountain ranges (polygons), photos of naked women running (pictograms), traffic counts (bar graphs), and market sizes (pie charts) interspersed with pithy quotes from famous authors of management books - all of which demonstrated that the resumption of North Dakota's greatest rivalry game is inevitable. Unfortunately, while I was messing around trying to figure out how to link to a slide show from within a post, my cat summarily ate the whole presentation, pithy quotes and all.
* Once you are a naturalized North Dakota citizen, it is nearly impossible to become "de-naturalized." The only exception: Michelle Pfeiffer. She was actually born in North Dakota but spent $3.5 million getting her place of birth legally changed to Santa Ana, California. Doing so required burning down an entire North Dakota town, plowing it under, and then salting the earth on which it once stood with, um, salt.